Healing My Inner Teenager. Honoring My Leo Moon.

Sometimes you have to take the leap. Break the mold. Rebel. This is the story of how I began to heal a part of me that I neglected for far too long:  my inner teenager.

I had flights booked for Europe. The trip started in Vienna and would weave in and out of parts of Austria, Switzerland, Italy, and Slovenia and back up to Austria. What initially inspired this grand adventure was an opportunity to see Ludovico Einaudi, a divine Italian pianist, in concert, in Salzburg. Once the concert tickets were purchased, the rest of the trip would start to fall into place.

I’m not much of a pre-planner per say. I like to create a “guide” for my trips with built-in flexibility for those spontaneous moments that you just can’t plan ahead for. Essentially, I pick few places I’d like to visit along the way, get an idea of how far I can make it the amount of time I plan to travel and reserve hotels and Airbnbs one to two days prior to my stay – to lock-in on discounts.

As I began to select my cities and trip routes, I quickly added Venice, Italy to the list. I visited once years ago and my stay was a two-day whirlwind in which I felt I was running all the time to keep up with my friends that I was backpacking through Europe with. Adding Venice to the trip was a way to sort of re-write my prior experience or at least enjoy it in a way that was memorable in a different sort of way.

My scrolling on social media perusing European city-and-country-scapes, led me to the account of a Venice-based photographer. Her concept was brilliant. She offered a package deal that included a dreamy photo shoot on the streets and along the canals of Venice in an outrageously glamorous dress that she rents to you. The idea of doing this was simultaneously exciting and oh, so scary. It thrilled me that I could even dream of doing it. I contacted her right away and booked a session. In the meantime, I told no one of my plans. I didn’t know if I would go through with it.

My youth was spent cautious and overly worried of what others would say, think and feel about my every thought, every action. I held back a lot and didn’t embrace my inner weirdo. When I should have honored her…she was way cooler than the person I tried to be for so many years. By going through with this photo shoot, I was accepting a part of me that really wanted to enjoy the thrill of being seen. Not just noticed. The kind of “seen” that is In. Your. Face. It offered my inner teenager the opportunity she always hoped for, to feel beautiful, be seen, and to be okay with that! Attention didn’t have to feel shameful. It could just be a byproduct of a shared love of beauty in the eyes of many beholders, for a rare display of bravery by a girl that craved the thrill of feeling alive. Not only that, this thrill she chased, this bold defiance…it was an act of rebellion.

The day of the photo shoot came and I was nervously excited. I was too far in to quit, so there was only one way to go…through. Before I knew it, the photographer had arrived and I was dressed and ready for The First Act. I didn’t make eye contact with people on the streets at first. I was a gloriously dressed-up ball of nerves and it was easier to just image everyone around me was not real. As time moved along, my nerves settled and I began to feel the thrill of the present moment: I was in a magical place, doing a magical thing and it was all just so…magical. I even began to feel like I loved what I was doing in that moment and I was so proud of myself for doing it. My inner teenager was blissed out and super content at how far we’ve come on this journey.

Did I mention I have a Leo Moon in my natal chart? The part of me that is my Moon in Leo experienced a sort of ceremonial honoring during this sacred ritual that I keep calling a photo shoot. She was, after all, the star of the show.

I implore you to seek out that which makes you feel the most alive. What is that for you?